The Beginning

Here I go.

To say I have tried "every diet" would be a gross understatement.  Yes, I've done Weight Watchers a few (fine, many) times - sometimes with a little success, and other times with hardly any.  Yes, I've joined a gym or two (or four) and said I would go, weekly, and work out.  Sure, I have kept a food journal and signed up for some of those quality websites that track all of your food choices and try to give you options of what to eat, like alfalfa sprouts on saltine crackers with a one-ounce side of sliced cucumber and water with a twist of lemon.

But to say I have "tried" is where it all goes wrong.  I haven't REALLY put a lot of effort into it.  After much whining, self-reflection, and careless "I-just-will-be-fat" statements, I realized that - honestly - I just don't have the motivation, and I can't find anything that helps give it to me. 

Virtual "awards" on those annoying websites don't work for me.  The numbers going down in the Weight Watchers book don't work, either. The thought of, "Gee, I have a toddler and I don't want to die at 40" makes me stop and think for a minute or two, but, damn - my blood pressure's good, my arteries are clear (thank you, EKG and echo-cardiogram), I have a decent amount of energy (it's not like I can't go to the park or walk the mall), and I don't have any physical ailments, like diabetes or back pain.  (Okay, fine - I do have plantar fasciitis in my foot, which I have been told will go away with weight loss.  Figures.)  So, overall, I don't have any REAL reasons to watch my weight or be more healthy, besides the fact that I crop myself out of my kid's photos, have to buy clothes in the fat store, and would, perhaps, like to play on the floor without needing to grab onto the couch to get up. 

Of course, I know that's a load of B.S.  I know that I have higher risks of heart disease, and cancer, and who knows what else.  I know I would feel better on a daily basis physically and emotionally if I lost a bunch of weight.  I know I would live longer and be a better wife, and friend, and mother if I were healthier.  I just don't really care.  

Now, don't go thinking I'm a mental case.  I have a Masters Degree in education (yes, I teach 4th grade - maybe I am a mental case?) and a Bachelors in Psychology, and my I.Q. is in the "Gifted" range.  I am sarcastic and witty and have a dry sense of humor.  I love to read, my favorite subjects are math and science, and I am fabulous at proving people wrong.  I think I'm a damn good mother, and a pretty decent wife when I'm not being a selfish one  (☺), and I like to cook (dammit), decorate, do crafts (I make all my daughter's hair bows), watch cop drama t.v. shows, and tinker around online.  I love to learn; my dad once asked me if I planned to be "a professional student" when I grew up.  I like to analyze, and think, and rationalize, and debate.

So, the big question is, WHY do I not care?  

I think I do care.  Really, I do.  I just don't care when faced with a BK Whopper or McD's french fries or a Starbucks Toffee Mocha, a chocolate glazed Dunkin Donut, or anything else that is greasy, fattening, and contains enough calories to sustain a small developing country.  Now, I like most vegetables and fruits, and do eat them often.  So, that's not the issue.  It's just that I like the fat crap BETTER - the food that is nuTRASHional (thanks to my husband, who brilliantly coined that for me when I told him about this blog).  I'm defining that as food that has CRAP as nutritional value - basically fast food, restaurant food, and processed food (basically, everything that isn't a lettuce leaf or a bean).

I decided to think of why there were certain things in my life I actually stuck to - like keeping our almost-two-year-old daughter in a rear-facing car seat (go Google that - when you see the videos of how your kid's life can be saved by facing backwards instead of forwards, you, too, will be convinced) even though people think I'm nuts.  And the only explanation I had was that I saw it in a video, I read about four thousand scientific journals and articles written about it, and convinced my intelligent self that there was no other option - if I didn't do it, I (yes, I) could be the cause of my own child's death.

So, I thought maybe this same mentality could work for weight loss.  Maybe, if I watched enough disgusting movies, surrounded myself with as many articles about how food is prepared as I could, read medical journals with images and videos of what happens to the body when you don't care for it (Dr. Oz, anyone?), I could disgust myself into eating healthier.

And, so it begins.

I have roped my wonderful husband into helping me get started.  He's agreed to watch any food-based documentary I can get my hands on and then sit with me while I puke.  (Well, maybe he didn't agree to THAT part... yet.)  He's also agreed to help me find reputable, scientific, medical articles and information to read and link to here on the blog.  And then, hopefully, I can convince myself to flip to the other side: the side of healthier choices, of better food, of LESS food, of taking care of my body and my weight and my emotional health.

I am keeping this blog in hopes that you will tag along; that you will suggest things for me to see or read or watch, and that you, too, will see/read/watch along with me.

So, join me.  Thanks for supporting me.  I hope this works.